attend Sean "Diddy" Combs Exclusive Birthday Celebration Presented By CIROC Vodka on November 22, 2015 in Beverly Hills, California.

Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs is still having a hard time with the death of his former girlfriend Kim Porter. On an audio fragment of an interview for the Essence magazine you can hear how the rapper bursts into tears when he talks about the loss of Kim, who died of pneumonia in November.

“I don’t know what to do,” says 49-year-old Diddy, who has three children with Kim, sobbing. “I’ll figure it out. It just hurts so much. I know people want to hear the good things, but it hurts. You can’t ignore that.”

The rapper became so emotional during the interview that he did not know if he could continue, yet he thought it was important to tell his story. Especially because the edition of the magazine is devoted to mothers. “I wanted to do this to let everyone know how special mothers are and I don’t think anyone understands how difficult it is to be a black mother.”

Diddy will also consider Mother’s Day with his children on Sunday. “We will certainly celebrate all mothers,” he says. Although the rapper believes that time heals all wounds, he thinks that’s not the case if you lose your mother. “And that’s not something negative. We humans need wounds and we need something that stings us occasionally.”